Dear girls,
I'm sorry I'm writing a joint letter. I usually try to write all my kids separate, but this is an experience the three of us share, so a joint letter it is. :) We started potty training a couple weeks ago and you have both done amazing! We've had some accidents here and there but I've been so grateful how quickly and confidently you both picked it up!
Rowan you like to do everything on your own, no help from Mom. But you do like me to be right there near, talking to you, cheering you on, or having one of your baby dolls cheer you on. :)
Remi you like Mommy to stay right close, hugging you, or holding your little hips, and we talk and chat about what a big girl you are, or maybe you stroke my hair and tell me that you love me.
I meant to write this letter a few days ago, but time got away from me, and then today we had a scary experience with Rowy, and my heart is a little tender, so I decided to write this letter.
I just wanted you girls to know that yes, the work of a Mom is often difficult, unpleasant, and discouraging, but some of my sweetest moments with you children, some of our most bonding times are in the thick of it all. Potty training is high on my list of things I DO NOT like doing as a Mom, but over the last few weeks, the 3 of us have literally spent hours together, looking each other in the eyes, talking and chatting, and getting special one on one time that is rarer than I would like. It's been precious and sweet and it's imprinted on my heart.
Remi when you were little little and got RSV, it was the WORST. I hated you being so sick. I was stressed with twin babies, and a toddler and a 4 year old, but for 3 days straight I carried you on my chest, you slept and napped on my chest, and even though I wasn't on much sleep, I loved having a reason to make holding you my top priority over all else.
Rowan, you waited patiently for a week, until Remi got better, before you caught RSV too, and then I had a reason to make you my top priority, and cuddle and hold you close for days. I can still remember my tender feelings toward you both during those sick weeks and I hold that feeling close.
Rowan, we had a very scary moment with you in the pool today. You jumped in without your floaty, I didn't see you jump in and Haley pulled you out of the water, coughing and throwing up. It was really scary, and I feel VERY tender toward you at the moment. You continued to throw up, so I drove you to the ER, and as I was driving, crying and praying that Heavenly Father would protect you, I remembered the last time I had taken this same drive, 2 1/2 years ago to the same ER, when I couldn't feel you move in my tummy for a day. I was terrified that you had passed away, and I begged Heavenly Father to keep you safe. You were thankfully fine, and just chilling out, but I do not forget the fear and love and desperation I felt for you.
Experiences that remind us just how much we love our children, are usually not fun, often fear filled, and we typically do not want to experience them again, but I do hold on to the memory of how tender my heart felt in those moments, and I'm reminded that I love you kids and your Dad more than anything in the whole world. Even when we're potty training, even when you throw food all over the floor, even when you're being a stinker, I love being your Mom.
Girls, I am so so grateful we belong to each other.
I love you,
Mama.
