Sunday, January 18, 2015

Dear Boston

Dear Boston,

Two weeks ago we had our baby girls.  They finally arrived!  We were starting to feel a little impatient with all the ups and downs of that pregnancy.  In your words,  "They're coming, they're not coming, they're coming, they're not coming, they're coming..."  That sums up our feelings on the twins arrival pretty well.

This pregnancy was a hard one on all of us.  I was put on modified bed rest at 20 something weeks and then strict bedrest at 30 something.  This was really hard for you boys to have your very active Mom be completely non active.  No more scooping you up, no more running around, no more getting down on my hands and knees and no more putting you down for bed.  This was really sad for all of us.  After the babies arrived there was still some adjusting for all of us to do.  I was barely surviving those first couple days home and on days 3, 4 and 5 I could barely keep from crying all the time.

I tried to not cry in front of you ever, but you are very in tune to how I'm feeling and you would catch tears in my eyes often.  I could tell it scared you to see me sad and sometimes you would start to cry when you'd ask, "Mommy, are you sad?"

I didn't know what to do because I couldn't help that tears were going to literally fall out of my eyes no matter what.  I could keep from sobbing, but I couldn't always keep the tears away completely.  So I told you that often times when Mommy's have a baby they cry for a couple days and they cry for all different reasons.  We talked about crying when we're happy, or touched.  We talked about how I cry sometimes if I feel sad or overwhelmed and we even talked about crying because we're laughing so hard.  I told you it's perfectly normal and it's ok.  It's even ok if Mommy feels sad sometimes, It won't last.

After discussing why we cry, I told you that we can always try to make ourselves feel better.  So we came up with a silly face we could do whenever we're feeling sad, that will make us laugh and help us feel better.  So for those first few days home, whenever those sad unexplained, baby blues feelings would creep up on me, I would stick my tongue out, cross my eyes, look at you and you'd do the same.  Then we would both bust up in genuine laughter.  One of those days you fell when riding your bike and instead of crying you looked at me and did your silly face.  We laughed again.

Week two of babies being home has gotten so much easier.  I can tell you feel safe and normal again and the tears every day have stopped, so we've had less need for the silly face, but tonight, out of the blue you did that silly little face again and it warmed my heart.  I realized that will be one of those bittersweet memories for me.  I'll remember my oldest son and what a trooper he was when his life was getting flipped upside down for months on end.  I'll remember your desire to be happy and joyful as much as possible.  I'll remember our conversations about it being ok to be sad and get a good cry out and I'll remember that we both tried our very best to lift each other's burdens.

I love you Boston.  I appreciate you.  I'm so glad I get to share this adventure with you.



Monday, December 15, 2014

Dear Rowan Adele

Hi Darling,

You have now been in my tummy for 33 whole weeks.  Pretty soon (could be any day) I get to meet you and I cannnot wait.  I've had such a good time getting to know you over these last months.  For the majority of this pregnancy you have been baby A.  This means that unless I have a C section, you will be born first.  From the beginning you've been consistant, growing along peacefully.  I got to hear your heart beat for the first time at just 6 weeks.  It was a strong little heart beat too!  You haven't caused us any worry during this pregnancy, always stable.  You are definitely the calmer one of you and sister.  All of your movements are slow and rolling.  I imagine you to be my peaceful, mellow little one.  :)  Maybe even quiet?  Wouldn't that be a change in our home.  I picture you going about life with a certain amount of grace.  That's a quality I've never had, but have always admired in my friends.  I'm often drawn to women that don't have to be loud to be heard, and that have a sort of quiet, but substantial presence in a room.  Peaceful, content women.  This is how I imagine you might be. :)  Although if I've you pegged wrong, you just feel free to be you.  I'll love you any which way you are!

We just officially chose yours and sisters names a few weeks ago.  Rowen was a name Daddy and I liked for a boy and we considered it when I was pregnant with Isaac.  When deciding a name for you I wanted something graceful, and elegant and was very close to naming you Adele.  Daddy brought up the idea of naming you Rowan and I had never thought of that for a girl.  I looked up the meaning of Rowan online and fell in love with the name even more.  Rowan with an A is the girl form of the name and you're named after the Rowan tree.  A beautiful tree with red berries it has it's roots in greek, norse and british folklore.  The Rowan tree is also called a tree of the Goddess or Faerie tree.  in Norse mythology they say that the first woman was made from the Rowan tree. In Gaelic the name means "little redhead".  Will you have red hair perhaps?  I wonder!

You are such a blessing in my life already.  You are so wanted by both Daddy and I.  I can't wait to meet you, look at you, and hold you....soon!



PS Boston has claimed you as "his" baby.  This means he'll be my big helper when it comes to you.  You're really gonna love him. :)  That also means Remi is Isaac's baby.  Good luck Remi! ;)

Dear Remington Jane

Hi Sweet girl,

I want you to know how much I love you.  When I found out I was pregnant with two of you, it was your heart that we couldn't hear right away.  I didn't know if I would get to keep you or not.  A week or two later we went back to check on you and sister and I waited anxiously to hear your heart beat.  The moment we heard two heart beats I burst into tears.  I had prayed and prayed that Heavenly Father would let me keep you.

I've enjoyed growing you in my tummy even though sometimes it can get really uncomfortable.  I think you must get uncomfortable too because you will stretch your little back out and I think you're just looking for more room to wiggle.  You're my busy little girl, with hard kicks and wiggles, never subtle.  I imagine you'll be a busy little thing with a little fire in ya when you're born too.

I've had your name picked out for almost 5 years now.  I knew when I had a daughter I would use this name for her.  A long time ago I came across blog that had a really beautiful girl named Remington on it and she went by Remi.  She had long brown hair and a classic look and from that moment on Daddy and I both loved the name.  In fact if Boston had been a girl, we would have named him Remington!  :)  When I felt inspired that it was time for Isaac to get here the thought that came to my mind was, "It's time to get Remi here".  It turns out it wasn't quite your turn just yet.  And now after all these years, and many months I get to meet you!  I'm so excited.  I already feel like I know you well.  You're a busy little thing, you're a fighter and already you have a head full of hair! :)  You're not getting all the nutrition you need right now, so you're smaller than your sister, but Mommy and the Drs are watching over you vrey closely and we'll make sure we continue to take good care of you.

I can't wait to hold you in my arms.


Saturday, September 6, 2014

Proud moments

Dear Boston,

Today you and I shared a moment that I hope I never ever forget.  You're 3 years old (almost 4) and for the last few months you've been especially interested in learning how to read.  We've started Zoo-phonics and you're really getting down all the letter sounds.  Today during quiet time you were writing/drawing on your white board, then we started spelling out words together and sounding them out.

For the first time ever, you read your first word phonetically all by yourself!  The word was,

It was so fun to hear you say, "Mmm ahh  Mmm" and then say it faster and then realize what you had said.
"Mom!  That says Mom!"  Now I'm so proud of you, but the thing that will stick with me is the moment we shared after.   You were so excited and proud and I felt so excited for you.  We both cracked up laughing and you had a grin stretched from ear to ear.  We laughed for a good few minutes and I kept saying how proud I was.  Then you would get so overwhelmed with joy all you could do was hug me.  So you'd wrap your arms tight around my neck and we'd laugh some more.  As soon as we pulled it together, we called Daddy and shared the big news with him.

I am so glad that I'm not missing out on these moments with you.  I couldn't stop talking with Daddy tonight about how good it felt to share that moment of accomplishment and excitement with you.  I love you so much and you are one of my very favorite people.

I love you,


Thursday, August 14, 2014

Happy 2nd birthday Isaac!

Dearest Isaac,

You turned two today!  Two!  Can you believe it?  I can't.  You woke up to a day filled with surprises and you were the star.  You had no idea what was going on, but you loved every minute of it.  After you opened your presents this morning, Daddy, myself and Bosty stood in a line and sang you happy birthday.  It was the first "Happy birthday song" of the day and you were a little confused and felt a little left out.  You ran to me, slightly upset, had me pick you up and then sang along with us.  We all laughed.  :)  Brother worked very hard to make the day special for you as well and we teamed up to make your day extra special.  Daddy stayed home for breakfast and later on lunch, met us at the Trampoline park to watch you jump for a bit.

You had a wonderful day and I hope you felt as special as you are.  You are a light in our home.  We love you so much more than you could ever know.  You are forever Daddy's little pal, Mommy's chubby baby, and Boston's best friend.  Here are our favorite things about you,

Mine is that you are a cuddle bug.  You need Mommy "loves" and I soak it all up.  This morning at 5 am you crawled in my bed and cuddled right up to me, just like when you were first born. It reminded me that 2 years ago at 6 am, I awoke from bed with contractions strong enough I could no longer sleep.  I calmly got ready for the day and by 9 am Daddy and I arrived at the hospital laughing and talking with excitement.  By noon you were born.  :)  All 7 lbs 14 ounces of you.  I instantly fell in love with your big blue eyes and all that dark hair with the same hair line as Curious George.

Daddy's favorite thing is your fun energy and your sweet kindness.

Bosty's favorite thing is how much you make him laugh.  He thinks you're the funniest, cutest kid around.

Your a fierce little man that goes about life with intensity, but you also can be so gentle and snuggly and calm and focused.  You're a brilliant little boy with an amazing vocabulary and a never ending list of phrases and antics picked up from brother.  I can't wait to see how you continue to live this precious life of yours.

We love you Darling boy!


Friday, August 1, 2014

Letter to Boston: Bad days

Dear Boston,

Yesterday was a bad day for the two of us.  You struggled to be a good listener and I struggled to be a good not-yeller. :)  In other words, Mommy yelled a lot and you disobeyed a lot.  It made for a pretty crummy day.  One of those days where you didn't feel much like being a kid, and I didn't feel much like being a Mom.

But even on our very worst days we have our moments where I remember how much I like that you're mine and I think you feel the same.  When Zekey went down for his nap I laid out pillows and blankets on my floor and set you up with Donald Duck, while I tried to nap in my bed. Before I laid down I looked at your little face and you looked so defeated.  I asked you how you were feeling.

"I feel sad".

I asked you why.

"Because you were mean to me today".

I crawled up next to you and we laid together and just stared at each other for awhile.  We both cried and hugged and apologized.  We talked about our struggles with yelling and not listening.  We agreed to try harder.  Then we hugged some more. Once Daddy got home our day went much better.  You went to bed without a struggle and we all got some sleep.  Then at 3:00 in the morning you wandered into our room, up to my side of the bed.

"Momma my feet hurt".  You change shoe sizes every couple months and as a result of your super speedy growing body, your feet and calves often hurt you.  You  know the routine.  You crawled up in my bed and we laid at opposite ends while I massaged your feet.  You kept crying and asked if I would sing to you.  I sang and massaged, but those growing pains wouldn't go away.  I ran downstairs and grabbed you some medicine.  Then I continued to massage and sing until you fell asleep.  I carried you to your room and didn't see you again until the sun was up.

This morning you had lots of extra kisses, I love you's, and hugs to give me.  I think you were telling me you're glad to be mine and I was reminded how grateful I am to be your Mom.  Even on the hard days.  And especially on the hard nights, when you just need your Momma to sing to you.  :)

I love you bud,

Love, Momma

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Letter to the Twins

Hi sweet babies,

You'll get your own letters once I know a little more about you (like if your boys or girls at least).  I just wanted to write to let you know how much I already love you.  The 3 of us have been together for the last 10 1/2 weeks and thankfully you haven't made me too sick!  Thank you for that. Which is also making me guess that the two of you might be girls.  I got MUCH sicker with the boys.  I feel a deep connection to the two of you and love you so much.  We only planned for one of you, but the minute I saw you both I fell in love twice.  It's gonna be a crazy ride for us, but I have hope that we're all gonna make it out ok.

Because of our unique circumstances I've had the pleasure of seeing you both every week since 5 weeks. Actually this will be the first week I don't get to take a peak.  That's ok though,  I get to see you both next week. :)  The two of you have grown from little circles to tiny little bodies with arms and legs.  You resemble a gummy bear almost exactly.  At one point one of you was big and one of you was tiny, but now you're both the exact same size with almost identical heartbeats.  The dr. said he hasn't seen that before (175 and 176).  You two are cuddled up on opposite ends (one head is resting on the others bum) and I saw lots of wiggling going on last week.  :)

We're so excited to get you babies here and we're so grateful that you're both a forever part of our little family.

I love you both.