Sunday, January 18, 2015

Dear Boston

Dear Boston,

Two weeks ago we had our baby girls.  They finally arrived!  We were starting to feel a little impatient with all the ups and downs of that pregnancy.  In your words,  "They're coming, they're not coming, they're coming, they're not coming, they're coming..."  That sums up our feelings on the twins arrival pretty well.

This pregnancy was a hard one on all of us.  I was put on modified bed rest at 20 something weeks and then strict bedrest at 30 something.  This was really hard for you boys to have your very active Mom be completely non active.  No more scooping you up, no more running around, no more getting down on my hands and knees and no more putting you down for bed.  This was really sad for all of us.  After the babies arrived there was still some adjusting for all of us to do.  I was barely surviving those first couple days home and on days 3, 4 and 5 I could barely keep from crying all the time.

I tried to not cry in front of you ever, but you are very in tune to how I'm feeling and you would catch tears in my eyes often.  I could tell it scared you to see me sad and sometimes you would start to cry when you'd ask, "Mommy, are you sad?"

I didn't know what to do because I couldn't help that tears were going to literally fall out of my eyes no matter what.  I could keep from sobbing, but I couldn't always keep the tears away completely.  So I told you that often times when Mommy's have a baby they cry for a couple days and they cry for all different reasons.  We talked about crying when we're happy, or touched.  We talked about how I cry sometimes if I feel sad or overwhelmed and we even talked about crying because we're laughing so hard.  I told you it's perfectly normal and it's ok.  It's even ok if Mommy feels sad sometimes, It won't last.

After discussing why we cry, I told you that we can always try to make ourselves feel better.  So we came up with a silly face we could do whenever we're feeling sad, that will make us laugh and help us feel better.  So for those first few days home, whenever those sad unexplained, baby blues feelings would creep up on me, I would stick my tongue out, cross my eyes, look at you and you'd do the same.  Then we would both bust up in genuine laughter.  One of those days you fell when riding your bike and instead of crying you looked at me and did your silly face.  We laughed again.

Week two of babies being home has gotten so much easier.  I can tell you feel safe and normal again and the tears every day have stopped, so we've had less need for the silly face, but tonight, out of the blue you did that silly little face again and it warmed my heart.  I realized that will be one of those bittersweet memories for me.  I'll remember my oldest son and what a trooper he was when his life was getting flipped upside down for months on end.  I'll remember your desire to be happy and joyful as much as possible.  I'll remember our conversations about it being ok to be sad and get a good cry out and I'll remember that we both tried our very best to lift each other's burdens.

I love you Boston.  I appreciate you.  I'm so glad I get to share this adventure with you.



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