Holding you

Dear Boston,

It was another long night for our little family. You were having a rough time and could not get to sleep no matter what Daddy and I tried (and we tried everything!). Finally Daddy handed you off to me while you were screaming. I decided to walk with you into our walk-in closet and rock with you next to the water heater (that makes a low humming noise) and for whatever reason this worked! You immediately stopped crying and fell asleep instantly. While I was standing there looking at the coats in our closet I thought to myself,
"Wow. This is going to be a really boring next half hour". Then I started to think about years down the road when I am going to miss moments like this with you. I thought about all the times when you are a toddler and won't want to slow down for a minute that I will wish I could scoop you up, hold you next to my cheek and just rock with you. I thought about you growing up and being a too-cool-for-school teenager and how I am sure I will miss my baby boy and wish that I could just cuddle you one more time. I thought about when you write me and Dad letters from the mission and I will be able to tell if you're having a hard time or a bad day, and I will ACHE for the times when I could just hold you and make you feel all better. I thought about you getting married and some other woman will take my place in comforting you and although that's exactly the way it should be...I am sure there will be moments that I wish I could still be the one. Then I thought about something Nana had said this last weekend on your Blessing day. She was making you smile while you sat in your little white tux in the big chair and she started laughing and said, "Dane, this is unbelievable. He looks SO much like you! It's like I'm staring at you as a baby all over again"!

So maybe one day, years down the road I will get to enjoy you all over again through your sweet babies. For now I will just continue to try and appreciate the really sweet moments I get to have with you amidst the long sleepless nights.

I love you.

Love,

Momma