I miss you already

Dear Isaac,

I'm experiencing some growing pains tonight. My time with you as my baby is going by too quickly.  I remember when we brought you home from the hospital Daddy set up a co-sleeper on my side of the bed.  That first night home I laid you in it, and you slept there...for about 5 minutes.  That 6 inches between us was  too much space, so I cozied you right up to me and that's where you stayed for the first 6 weeks of your life.  I decided baby steps were needed for us to get a little better sleep, so I started laying you down in the co sleeper.  You slept ok, but during our night time feedings, I would scoop you up, lay you at my side and we both slept better.  With your little head laid against my chest, the two of us would fall asleep in that same position for hours. When I eventually woke up, I would lay you back in bed, until our next feeding.

About a month ago,  I started putting you in your car seat in our walk-in-closet to sleep.  You like it in that cozy car seat.  In fact you can't fall into a deep sleep in my arms anymore.  You're growing up.  Tonight Daddy and I decided it was time.  We bundled up the co sleeper, opened up space in the closet and officially made it your new bedroom.  I'm lying in bed right now feeling lonely.  You're officially moved out.  You might as well be 18 and living on your own.  I keep a photo of you on my nightstand that's replaced the baby bed.  It was taken a few days after I brought you home.  My hairs disheveled, my shirt twisted up, I'm holding you and Boston close to me. I look so happy, and I was.

I have loved being the Mom to baby Isaac, and I'm having a hard time letting that baby move on. I'm already missing the times that have yet to pass us by.  How silly is that?  It's like  when a friend comes to visit and you miss them before they've even left.

Don't worry though, I have a little experience in this whole "growing up" department.  I won't hold you back, I'll let you grow.  Let you evolve...let you become. And I'll be ok.  I thought I would never stop missing your brother as my baby, but that ache's been replaced with longings for my toddler Boston. So I guess we should all just accept the reality of our situation, (the one in which my delicate heart is held in the small hands of my two little boys ),  I'll love you both to pieces and miss you every step of the way.

Sweet dreams tonight.

Love,
Momma